Wednesday, May 23, 2007 @ 12:16 AM
HEY! only sharing jokes. muahaha. n btw , bought a billabong pencil case.
nt so nice but love the size. ^^
Military Secrets
Q. What does marine stand for?
A. My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment
Prison vs. Work
In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.
In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere. At work you are just ball-and-chained.
In prison you get your own loot. At work you have to share.
In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.
In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time. At work there are some programs you can never get out of.
In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic. At work we have managers.
Four Catholic Mothers
Four old Catholic women are sitting around bragging about their sons. The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic mother says "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence'."
Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women turn to her and say, "Well...?"
So she replies, "My son is 6' 2, terribly handsome with broad, square shoulders... good manners, dresses very well. He's got a tight, muscular body and tight, hard buns and a very nice bulge. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, 'Oh, my God!'"
Blonde Ice Fishing
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''
This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''
The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?'' The voice answered, ''NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.''
A man's logic
A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
Actual School Excuse Notes
These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country:
1) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
3) Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.
4) Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
5) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8) Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
9) Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]
10) Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
11) Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
12) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
13) Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
14) Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
15) Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
16) Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
17) Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
Krazy Homework Excuses
Last night I got temporary amnesia and I totally forgot!
My older sister couldn't find her same homework from last year.
The dog did it for me, but it was in his language.
The paper airplane I made out of it accidentally flew out the window.
I fell asleep on it and when I woke up all my drool smudged all the ink.
It is here it's just in invisible ink!
Satan told me not to do it!
I'm at school?!? I thought this was an AA meeting.
My dad's pen ran out of ink.
My Mom ate my homework!
ahaha (: dats all 4 today (:
ciao.
`Jay